APRIL 17 - XOCHILTH AGUILA (senior)

These days, I feel like I have nothing to say, nothing to write. Nothing really is happening, only the world just seems to be paused.

Sure, I’m really disappointed that I’m not going to have the senior year I expected. Aside from this unpredictable ending, the first half of my senior year wasn’t so great either.

Anyways, I’m past the initial stages of grief ― getting upset, getting angry: I’m at acceptance now. When the only thing you can do is wait, you just sit there and take it.

You can’t go outside. You can’t become a doctor or nurse. You can’t magically turn into the medical genius who finds a cure by tomorrow. You can’t suddenly run a generous pharmaceutical company that produces The Vaccine. You can’t turn into the willing distributor to transport the cure all over the country, all over the world.

Just wait. That’s all you can do.

I don’t feel hopeless, though. Some way or another, this will go away, and the world will restart again.

It’s funny to think that we’re living through history by sitting in our homes, binge-watching TV shows, and attempting to maintain our grades. I thought of “history” as something out there in the world, interacting with people, creating revolutions. It always included some element of defiance, some movement or cause.

But not everything is a battle. These days, who would we battle, anyway? In fact, who is “we” anyway? Is it the “we” who are at home, or the “we” who are in the hospitals, or the “we” dropping off packages for homes, or the “we” in grocery stores. It’s really hard to feel connected to people when you can’t see them, but I really want to feel connected the way I always have.

In the meantime, we don’t know when this is going to end, but I’ll be waiting. Just waiting.